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Post by Peffkitten on May 21, 2002 4:54:04 GMT -5
How many Old Labour MPs does it take to change a light bulb?
What do you mean change? It's a perfectly good light bulb. We've had it for 100 years and it's worked just fine.
***
How many Gordon Browns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to send the bill to the next generation.
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Post by Peffkitten on May 21, 2002 5:02:02 GMT -5
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
1) Tony Blair to point out that the light bulb has been smashed an destroyed by 18 years of Conservative Government.
2) Jack Straw to explain to Robin Cook that they know the light bulb needs changing because they are standing in the dark.
3) Robin Cook to have a 'quick one' with someone else before the lights go back on.
4) John Major to think up a solution to the problem, which is then rejected by everyone else.
5) Iain Duncan Smith to explain to people that the Tories do care.
6) Edward Heath to explain to people that Iain Duncan Smith doesn't care.
7) Michael Howard to point out that the people responsible for the evil destruction of the light bulb will suffer in prison.
8) Michael Portillo to get his knife ready to stab someone in the dark.
9) Paddy Ashdown to mention that under the Lib Dems, the light bulb wouldn't have broken.
10) Peter Mandelson will give advice on the screwing in.
11) At the same time Ron Davies is trying to eat the light bulb.
12) All whilst Ann Widdecombe has realised that the light bulb was fine, but the light switch wasn't on.
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Post by Lauren on May 21, 2002 5:32:07 GMT -5
 Lauren's Crappy Jokes: Do they have to be political? How many idiots* does it take to change a light bulb?5001. 1 to hold it, 5000 to turn the house round. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?Fish. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D *The Amazing Adjustable Joke
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Post by Peffkitten on May 21, 2002 5:33:45 GMT -5
Don't have to be political, I just got sent a load by my left-wing friend Ally.
Loved the surrealist one!
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Post by Nicôle on May 21, 2002 6:27:08 GMT -5
How many Graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-One, but it takes seven years.
*****
How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
-None. That's what grad students are for.
*****
How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- One. But he gets 3 credits for it.
*****
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- Two
*****
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
-Three. One to do it, and two to complain about how much better the old one was.
*****
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Post by Nicôle on May 21, 2002 7:28:10 GMT -5
I like these jokes
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but they're really only one
*****
How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Like...hey, WOOOOW, man, it's *dark*!
*****
How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The light bulb seems to be working fine in our system...
*****
How many Microsoft employers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just define darkness as an industry standard.
*****
How may Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to screw it in and three to design the t-shirt.
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Post by noony on May 21, 2002 11:54:00 GMT -5
How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
(american accent) YOU DON'T KNOW MAN!! YOU WEREN'T THERE!!
hmm, this works better in person, honestly...
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Post by Lauren on May 21, 2002 12:25:50 GMT -5
How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution
How many rock stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
None: Rock stars only screw in jacuzzis.
One.
How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
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Post by Peffkitten on May 21, 2002 15:07:33 GMT -5
Ah, those are so class!
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Post by Nicôle on May 21, 2002 15:34:19 GMT -5
How many Environmentalist does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If the light bulb is out, that's the way nature intended it!
*****
How many Optimists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are convinced the power will come back on soon.
*****
How many Lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many can you afford?
*****
How many Accountants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What kind of answer did you have in mind?
*****
How many Librarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, but I can look it up for you...
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Post by Peffkitten on Jun 29, 2004 8:41:38 GMT -5
How many drama queens does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to stand there, and let the world revolve around them.
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Post by Charlie on Jul 3, 2004 16:46:15 GMT -5
Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
Q: How many Home Secretaries does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - they merely sack someone else for letting it go out.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. If he can handle screwing 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing a lightbulb.
Q: How many Torries does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor
Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.
Q: How many seventies disco dancers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to boogie up the ladder and one to say "Get daaowwwwn !"
Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32.......
Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer is actually none. They're just faking it.
Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.
Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It's not rocket science, you know.
Q: How many mutants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two thirds.
Q: How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Define "lightbulb".................
Q: How many Amish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Amish don't have light bulbs. They bake pies.
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Post by Dave on Aug 18, 2004 21:25:47 GMT -5
I only know one lightbulb joke and it's siilar to the junkie one:
How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. It was too fucking bright anyway.
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Post by Lauren on Aug 19, 2004 4:25:47 GMT -5
I was about to post one, then I realised I already did. Aages ago.
Dammit. My supply hath run dry.
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